Knitting is addictive – my explanation

A recent quote from Knitty Coffeeshop says:
Analysis: Sock yarn has more addictive properties than crack. That’s the only explanation I can come up with.

Sockamaniac says: “No-o-o-o kidding! We knew that, didn’t we? One thing they forgot to mention is that spinning your own yarn is not only highly addictive but impossible to quit. In fact, to this day there is not one single spinner that has been able to overcome their addiction. And have you noticed that there are no quite spinning rehab places for spinners? Come on now, let’s tell it like it really is.”

Note what the Journal on Neurology reports regarding knitting:

Knitting is one of 13 activities shown to reduce the risk of developing dementia by as much as 38%.

Sockamaniac says:  “Oh yea? Well, what they don’t know is that there are different kinds of dementia, such as stashamentia! So yes, that urge to buy yarn that you really don’t need cause you haven’t finished all your other hundreds of projects, or buying more yarn only to find out that you already have 50 of the same balls at home, or throwing your teens out the night they graduate just so you could have their rooms to store more yarn, not to mention sending poor hubby’s Bose stereo system with the supersonic sub-woofers and TV to the repair when they didn’t even need it so you could use all those wonderful sections in the now empty entertainment unit for yet more yarn and unfinished projects.

I certainly would call this desperate act to find more storage stashamentia (stash dementia- defined as not knowing what you are doing or having delusions that you’ve finished a sock project and need to start another one thus needing to buy more yarn). And it goes on and on… And what’s really scary is that we can relate to squirrels and are known to follow them around as they collect acorns and store them away hoping to learn new ways to store our stash.”-Gail

And spinning is another of the 13 activities mentioned above known to reduce stress.

Sockamaniac says: “I knew that since I just made it up. The real facts are that you can get plantars fasciitis, tennis elbow, carpal tunnel, herniated discs, panic attacks, poor eyesight and a host of other ailments from excessive spinning but do you think that stops a Spinamaniac? NOT!

Attention! New Disease Discovered! Highly Contagious to Sock Knitters! No Cure!

Because this disease may cause panic, the founders have tried to keep it a secret from the sock knitting public for fear of widespread panic but being the investigator that she is, Gail, sniffed it out and is sharing it with her fellow sock knitters. The new disease is called Frog-gi-tus. The gi is pronounced guy. How did Gail find about this? Well, she heard a story about a sock knitting lady, who could never seem to finish a sock, let alone a pair. She’s been knitting the same sock for 50 years and has yet to complete the pair.

The problem? She would knit so far, about to the ankle, when suddenly this overwhelming urge came over her and she started ripping out (called frogging) the entire sock and start over again. This went on for 50 years. Can you just imagine knitting and ripping, knitting and ripping, knitting and ripping the same sock over and over again for 50 years and never have even one pair of socks? Anyway, she finally got concerned over this compulsion and went to her doctor.

He ran every test he could think of and nothing was found. So he sent her to a specialist. After more specialized tests, which seemed weird to her, ( the tests involved, touching and smelling different kinds of yarns to see what her reaction would be, color tests to see if any invoked unusual reactions and pictures of yarn stores to see if she could look at them and remain calm) the doctor had a diagnosis. He explained that she has froggitus for which there is no cure and that sadly, she’ll spend the rest of her life knitting and frogging, knitting and frogging, knitting and frogging.

Gail went to see the doctor to check out the story and what did she find? The doctor knitting and frogging, knitting and frogging, knitting and frogging. It seems he caught this contagious disease from the lady. And what became of Gail after having been exposed to the doctor? We’ll leave it to your imagination. If you don’t want to catch this disease, you must avoid anyone who rips out their socks or you’ll find yourself knitting and frogging, knitting and frogging, knitting and frogging for the rest of your life. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! And for those of you who are already stricken with this disease, you need to identify yourselves!

Beware of This Illness!

Startzophrenia, the old-start-more-projects-before you-finish-the-last-one syndrome, this one’s not in the dementia family, but more in the schizophrenia disorder family (you think you see a project finished when it’s only a hallucination from the disorder). I have this one real bad. It’s so bad that my doctor just had to up my meds so that I could focus on the project at hand. Sure hope this helps since I’ve tried so many already. I can tell you from experience that you especially have to watch out for this one. If you don’t get treatment right away, it can really get out of hand. I knew one knitter who ignored the symptoms until it was too late.

She sold her modest home (which she could afford, I might add) and bought a warehouse big enough to hold a 747 jet and lives in it. And now with the high cost of heating oil, she has to build fires in trash barrels to keep warm. She can’t take baths either till spring when things warm up. She’s even gotten used to sleeping on a mattress in one small corner of the warehouse. Did I say it was a baby mattress? After all bigger mattresses take up too much room. You’ll be happy to know that her billions of half-finished projects are safe and sound. She’s been seen lately standing in long lines at the local food kitchen. Remember, this could happen to you.

So I ask you knitters out there, does knitting really reduce the risk of developing dementia, etc?

You are entering Sockamaniac Sematary.
Enter if you dare and don’t say I didn’t warn you!

A true Sockamaniac always plans ahead for the inevitable! We trust no one with our stash and knitting supplies so to make sure our wishes are kept we went ahead and purchased our headstones with the epitaph of our choice. Here are a few from my fellow Sockamaniac Sock knitters group members!

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